Friday, October 22, 2010

Yesterday, life was normal for carny worker Bob Bobbinson.
-show tall black dude whistling happily and entertaining kids-
But then, when he became the conductor of a roller coaster being used by the President of the United States...
-dramatic flash to the wheels of a roller coaster grinding on the track-
...things went HORRIBLY WRONG.
-show Bob fighting, yelling-
-orchestral music starts pounding-
Coming February 31st to that one crumbling theater that only shows old movies that no one really goes to NEAR YOU: Staring Samamuaemellely Ell. Jockson, Kyneria Nitely, and that one adorable cute kid from the 80's who's now some old creep: Sharks on a Roller Coaster!

SHARKS ON A ROLLER COASTER: You must be this tall...TO DIE.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

So! I wasn't online yesterday 'cos I forgot. Didja miss me?

No word yet from UPS, but at the moment they're just running background checks on applicants. Just one of those things, you know? Clerical bureaucracy and the like. I'm sure they'll be getting back to me soon enough.

I mentioned a story. That story is After School Nightmare, a psychological psuedoromantic horror manga. (
Yes, I said manga. Don't worry, it's not a bunch of trash. It features a transgender teen basically having to fight off monsters in a sort of parallel universe game in a bid to understand him/herself. Outside of the game, they begin to get to know and date other players, leading to us discovering the cast's various neuroses and really driving characterization.
The kicker of the game, however, is that winners are forgotten. Literally. All winners of the game vanish forever, with their possessions and even the memories of them disappearing entirely. It was actually kind of heartbreaking.
The story ends with a terrific mindscrew about the nature of the game and why people are playing it at all; this is where I get angry, because I really, really hated the end. But it was an excellent story, and so I am recommending it to you all.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

I had an interview!

At UPS! It's for their evening shift. I'm pretty damn excited! I haven't had a steady gig since Uni, and truth be told I've been getting anxious about it. But this looks very positive!

Gonna go get some rest, though. The interview was scheduled at 11:45pm and ran until nearly 2am, and the adrenaline about possibly being hired kept me up too late. Also, I read a story- an AMAZING story, which I'll write a full post about tomorrow.

Monday, October 18, 2010

A quote from Cryptonomicon

Let's set the existence-of-God issue aside for a later volume, and just stipulate that in some way, self-replicating organisms came into existence on this planet and immediately began trying to get rid of each other, either by spamming the environment with rough copies of themselves, or through more direct means which hardly need to be belabored. Most of them failed, and their genetic legacy was erased from the universe forever, but a few found some way to survive and to propagate. After about three billion years of this sometimes zany, frequently tedious fugue of carnality and carnage, Godfrey Waterhouse IV was born to Blanche, the wife of a congregational preacher named Bunyan Waterhouse. Like every other creature on the face of the earth, Godfrey was, by birthright, a stupendous badass, albeit in the somewhat technical sense that he could trace his ancestry back up a long line of slightly less highly evolved stupendous badasses to that first self-replicating gizmo — which, given the number and variety of its descendants, might justifiably be described as the most stupendous badass of all time. Everyone and everything that wasn't a stupendous badass was dead.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

So you remember the evil overlord list, right?

Now there's a benevolent overlord list!
Note that there's still just as much death and killing. This is for expedience and the good of the nation :3

When I Am the Benevolent Ruler...

As a general rule, I will remember that I am not the Evil Overlord, and should not indulge in behavior that will confuse my subjects on this point.

I will ensure that all my potential heirs have interesting and important jobs to do, according to their abilities, so they will have less time to plot against one another.

If I do have a particular favorite among my heirs, I will go out of my way to show the others that I love them too. Even if this is not true.

Being aware of the possibility of evil twins, mind control, or just having a really bad day, if the Hero suddenly starts acting out of character, I will call for a careful investigation rather than his head.

I will not callously dump my old, reliable Hero for the latest flashy device, or a new "kewl" Hero. This invariably backfires, and it's so embarrassing to have to apologize to the Hero afterwards.

I will remember that the word "vizier" is always preceded by the word "evil" for a reason, and plan accordingly.

I will treat any flashy gift from a previously unknown wizard or inventor with the same caution I would a venomous snake.

I will not be tempted by immortality. It is more important that my land be ruled well than that it be ruled by me.

I will not base the distribution of my lands and property among my heirs on a flattery contest. Even if I think I'm smart enough to spot a good metaphor when I hear one.

I will listen to the people, even though I will be horribly bored with one more farmer or peasant complaining about their minor problems. For I know, peasant revolts have been started over less.

If the Hero is more popular than I am, I will not allow my jealousy to drive me to throw him into the dungeons, even if urged to do so by my evil advisors. Instead, I will appoint him to a well paid position for which he is not suited, such as Head of the Fisheries Department, and allow him to fade from the public eye. If this does not solve the problem, I will assign him as an ambassador to a friendly and unimportant country as far from the capital as possible.

I will reconsider the need for Evil advisors, and will employ a bright seven year old child to inform me of which of my advisors are in fact Evil.

When my Queen and my Champion are getting excessively friendly, I will send my Champion off on that crusade against Evil I've been meaning to get around to. My queen and I will seek marital counseling.

I will reconsider marrying for love or money, and will instead marry a woman based on her demonstrated head for management and commitment to good government.

If a bastard son should show up, I will welcome him, shower him with gifts, and find a nice crusade for him to head off on. My Queen will just have to deal with it.

When a quest needs to be accomplished, I will send my youngest son first, and thus avoid ending up getting his brothers killed.

My identical cousin or twin brother will either be given a nice job within my administration or killed outright, or possibly both and in that order. Imprisoning him in some form of mask will not be an option.

I will scour the books for any pesky "Must be married by..." laws that might come up and bite me, or even worse my heirs, in the ass at a highly inappropriate time. Such laws are only there to allow the Evil Vizier another shot at stealing my throne

My wife will be advised in no uncertain terms against inviting Faerie Godmothers, Witches, or supernatural creatures of any sort to our child's christening.

Old women, gypsies, and indeed people in general will be treated courteously at all times by my courtiers, champions and guards, even if I intend to have these people killed. Especially if I intend to have them killed.

Plans to build an invincible super-weapon will be filed and ignored, unless we are actually at war.

A good network of roads and accompanying communications system are vital to good government, and I shall maintain both.

Wizards and withes will not be harassed by my loutish knights, but will instead be offered well-paid jobs in my Royal University, and provided with enough wine and food to keep them drunk, fat and happy.

I will reconsider the need for loutish knights.

And so on :3

Lost civilizations.

Let me summarize for you: there was an entire civilization living in Bronze-Age Russia that we had almost no evidence of. Holy fucking shit, it's like finding a whole new continent.

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Spatial Reasoning.

So, people have trouble envisioning spaces.
The average person has trouble viewing things in three dimensions; sure, you can tell distance- but can you envision objects as existing from all angles? Can you, whilst paying attention to everything else, be aware of the fact that they exist as more than just the flat image you see?

People see stereoscopically; that is to say, that while things appear to be three dimensional, it's actually a trick caused by the combination of two side-by-side 2D images, one from each eye. This is most easily noticed by looking past an object at a further object- you can't have them both in focus at the same time. This is because vision is two dimensional. Depth exists, but perception of it is technically illusory.

This results in an instinctive preference for 2D media, which is what makes three-dimensional art difficult. The average brain simply isn't trained for three-dimensional imaging.

So imagine the difficulty of throwing a fourth dimension into the mix. It's difficult to even perceive.

But wait! There's a way! You see, if you hold a three dimensional object in front of a light, it casts a shadow. That shadow is purely two-dimensional, disregarding variations in the quality of the surface cast upon; the shadow has no depth, it cannot pool. In the z-axis, it exists at a pure zero mark.
This is how we are able to represent three dimensions in two- we observe depth as a shadow of sorts. The still images sensed by the brain are nothing more than the reflections of light from things- from instant to instant, depth does not exist. It's something like the argument about the arrow, wherein every instant the arrow is not moving but in real time it is moving swiftly.

It can be theorized, then, that a four dimensional object would cast a three-dimensional shadow. You wouldn't be able to manipulate it, per se, just as you cannot manipulate a 2D shadow except by moving the surface it is cast upon. It is possible that a 4D object could only cast a shadow upon the surface of another 4D object; I am unable to perceive whether I have any, and therefore cannot test my theory. However, the shadow can be made in three dimensional media.

My prevailing theory regarding 4D spaces follows this general line of thought.
Let's start with a 2D coordinate plane. We can add a third dimension by bending the plane; Let's say it's a window screen. Placing a rock in the center warps the screen, curving it downward. Now, looking at the way that the wires bend around the warping, you can see what the addition of depth does. Some of the holes between wires are stretched outwards; while we know obviously they have changed in area because we're working with a 3D media, were it 2D the surface area would have vastly increased while the circumference stayed the same.

Try and envision it now in three dimensions. The surface area is untouched, while the volume ramps up drastically. You could compare it to a bag of holding from D&D.

I can wrap my mind around it, sorta, but as soon as I try to figure out where in the 3D space your coordinates would be, I get a headache.

Friday, October 15, 2010


20-30 henchmen needed for moderately-sized supervillain organisation with large expansion potential (fortresses built into geological structures, corruption of government officials, possible genesis of 'nemesis' vigilante). Electrical theme.

Applicants must be willing to learn new skills, including but not limited to operation of specialised 'lightning guns'. Applicants will also be required to wear specialised uniform when at work (functional rubber suits with my logo on front), except in cases where deception is required (posing as hostages in order to ambush vigilantes, etc).

Desired (but not necessarily required) in applicants:

-interesting deformations/obsessions/powers(?) giving rise to interesting nicknames (e.g. Claws, Pyro, Buzzsaw, and similar)
-unwavering loyalty
-being a corruptible government official
-ability to work as part of a close-knit team (unless interesting obsession is of the 'lone wolf' variety)
-grudge against any well-known vigilante
-flexible moral code

Equal opportunies employer. Both henchmen and femmes fatales absolutely welcome.

Great promotion opportunities - right-hand-man position constantly being unexpectedly opened. Would look good on any future supervillain resume/CV.

Send an email with details of any prior henchman work, or details of what is driving you to join the ranks of a supervillain organisation. Will reply to all serious applicants. Hope to hear from you, and with luck, welcome you into a rewarding and promising career!

Here's a bit of zen for ya

You are now aware of the fact that you are aware of this fact.

At first glance, it seems circular. But it's not. Let's break it down.

-You are aware of a fact.
-What fact? The fact that you are aware.
-The fact you are aware of the the fact that you're aware.
-It's actually metafactual. The fact doesn't even exist until you become aware of it.
-In realizing this, you prove the fact that you can think. One might even say it is a spark of divinity- you have, in essence, created something that does not exist except when you think about it.
-Just like the game.

Why yes, I did just spend that entire post to make you lose.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

But today I dreamed a scary thing

I had a nightmare that I was in Harry Potter's shoes and Voldemort was contained in an SCP facility and he broke out and gave me a really bad, really short haircut. And then he possessed my body and imprisoned Ron, Hermione, and me in marbles and set up a Zelda dungeon to contain us.

It was actually quite terrifying. The facility was in desolate cold and it was like a creepy castle as well that I had to fight through and Voldy had broken loose and terror ensued, but then I woke up.
...and promptly fell back asleep, whereupon the dream started over! So this time, genre-savvy, I immediately stunned and shot to piss the place he'd been hiding in- only for him to jump out of somewhere ELSE, saying "You were faster this time! Crucio, motherfucker," and then the marbling happened. And he threw Ron out the window into the sea and tortured Hermione and kept me as a necklace so I'd bear witness to what he was doing in my body.

It was actually really fucking terrifying, because Ron and Hermione kept sorta switching places with my actual friends, making things way too visceral. Also the haircut was awful.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010


Music, music, music.

You know, it's really weird. Back before college, I kept up with the latest music. I gave a damn, I'd listen to the radio, I actively searched for new stuff.

But the times have changed. I don't listen to the radio. I haven't got a fucking clue what kids listen to these days. I listen mostly to electronically-generated music, without vocals. The only "modern" thing I keep up with is chiptunes, something that almost none of my friends are into. Aside from that, I listen to obscure ambient tracks and orchestral arrangements. And video game soundtracks.

Fuck, I'm turning into an electrohipster, aren't I?

This is amazing.

Jim Carrey, in A Series of Unfortunate events.

Does anyone else do this?

Whenever I acquire something, I give it a name. Sometimes it's simple or uninventive- I named my fan after its brand, my DS is named Midas- and sometimes it's ornate, like an old bike named Fenris or Wintermute, my external drive.

I got thinking about this because Fenris went back to Esty, the girl I borrowed it from, and she mentioned how whenever she rode it she felt like something was with her. As though in naming it, I changed it intrinsically, so that it was more than just a bike. It was a bike with a machine spirit.

And now that I think about it, all my things have a bit of personality, little quirks. I wouldn't say they're spiritual; I'm not animist, I'm way into hard science. What I will grant is that in attributing them names, subconsciously I have decided that they are extraordinary and therefore treat them differently. I suppose on some level this is what one does with all one's possessions.

Still, it's odd. Do any of you do this?

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

A quick thing

[17:15] Witness: As slowly you fall dramatically in love with me to a musical score and then a romantic montage.
[17:16] Primarch: The musical scoring of my romance is totally chiptunes
[17:16] Witness: Haha
[17:16] Witness: That sounds like 'chimpunks'
[17:17] Witness: Considerably less romantic
[17:17] Primarch: chime punks?
[17:17] Primarch: PUNKS ABOUT BELLS!?
[17:17] Primarch: SIGN ME UP


brb putting bells onna hat


Monday, October 11, 2010

How I came to spin fire

This is my inspiration.
I've been spinning poi for over a year and a half now, having started back in April '09. I've come a really long way; I started with a pair of tails and practiced, practiced, practiced. It was this August that I first picked up a pair of kevlar poi, dunked them unceremoniously into a cup of paraffin, pulled out a lighter and burned my place in history. It's been an amazing experience, and I wouldn't have traded it for all the sex in the world.

Here's me at a recent convention. I cleared the hotel for my performance; try to ignore them, they're off-camera and pretty unfunny. Action starts at about 1:30

And immediately we dive into heady topics!

As a way of life that is inherently foreign to the Western experience of the Abrahamic faiths, Buddhism is considered to be exotic, mystical, and exciting; whenever the subject is mentioned, it is with a discussion-crippling lack of understanding. The perception in the modern West is one fraught with misunderstandings focusing on orange robes and baldness and monks burning themselves alive for peace while talking about suffering in ways that might make a masochist blush. In addition, it is “one of those eastern religions,” meaning that the average American will confuse it with Confucianism, Taoism, Hinduism, and Shinto. The name Siddhartha Gautama means piss-all to an audience that considers Buddha to simply be a Christ analogue and cannot envision a religion as having no deity. Indeed, Buddhism has been associated with tantric yoga, the Devil, paganism, burning incense to ward off evil, tarot readings, and even the rise of counterculture and drug use. In a society with such crippling lack of knowledge about foreign belief systems, it must be wondered just how many self-declared adherents of them follow from legitimate interest compared to those who simply want to tag along with the exciting prospect of something that they don’t understand.

To get a proper feel for the mystical factor of Buddhism, one must approach from the Judeo-Christian vantage shared by those who most experience it. To this eye, an eye bleary from harsh recriminations and guilt due to an inescapable sin that all are afflicted with through no fault of their own, the Buddhist proposition of an unguilty soul is like a blessing. Compare the cultures: in Buddhism there is a pursuit not of absolution but of enlightenment; in the myriad fractions of Catholicism there exists a wide range of precisely how guilty one ought to be simply for thinking. It is comparable to a Sword of Damocles being revealed as papier-mâché; not only that, but the damn thing is nailed to the roof and it turns out that you needn’t stand under it. This is a religion that isn’t, by their definition, a religion. Gone is the threat of an eternity of damnation if you don’t measure up to some arbitrary level of goodness; instead, there is simply an opportunity to live a calm and reflective life of meditation and goodwill. No more the obsession with this sinful earth, no more the desperate pursuit of salvation and talk of hellfire. No judgment, scorn, and self-righteous condemnation. It is almost as though the Buddhists think that life can be lived without having to answer to a jealous and spiteful god. To legitimately consider such a life, one without guilt and shaming for every enjoyment, is purest heresy.

It is precisely that heresy which makes Buddhism’s siren song so tempting. To an entitled generation threatened constantly and pervasively with damnation, the promise of a belief system that doesn’t hate one simply for enjoying life makes sense. There’s no reason to follow a system that places such emphasis on propagation; there is already a crippling overpopulation problem and growing scarcity of resources. Instead of blithely following along, why wouldn’t they instead opt to follow a system emphasizing personal growth? Is not the pursuit of happiness written into one of the many edicts that the nation is founded upon? And what could be more effective at procuring happiness than a lifestyle geared towards self-betterment and achieving enlightenment?

This is not to imply that Buddhism is in any way illegitimate or misrepresenting of itself. Indeed, its non-judgmental nature is a matter of import, but only to outsiders. Buddhism is not jaded enough that it markets itself to potential new converts as a non-guilting faith. Instead, Buddhism simply offers its reflections and teachings.

Buddhism springs from a philosophy espoused by Siddhartha Gautama, the man who would become the first Buddha. We shall move quickly past his lineage as a prince and the prophecy of his fate as a great king or holy man; instead, we shall focus on his “Middle Way.” Until his time, there were two apparent fates for a man- to become enslaved to his desires, or to reject desire and live as a suffering ascetic. As a royal turned ascetic, Siddhartha experienced both extremes- and yet found no solace. Perhaps apocryphally, it is said that he once overheard a discussion of stringed instruments in which it was said that an instrument too tightly-wounded sounded shrill, but too loose made no sound. For an instrument to be harmonious, it needed to be somewhere in the middle. Siddhartha took this to heart, and as a result he created his philosophy of the Middle Way. This he based on “The Four Noble Truths,” which in turn led to “The Noble Eightfold Path.” The Truths were, in order: that life either is or leads to suffering; that suffering is caused be desire; that suffering ends with the cessation of desire; and that the cessation of desire can be achieved by following the path of the Buddha, or the “Enlightened One.” This path, the Noble Eightfold Path, was subdivided into three Wisdoms. The first, Prajñā, was focused on the correct worldview and intentions. Śīla, the second wisdom, regarded life, speech, and action. The third and final wisdom, Samādhi, minded the correct effort, concentration, and mindfulness. In order, the specific extension of each of the wisdoms was purification of the mind; living and acting ethically; and disciplining the mind so as to disarm and end desire.

However, the reasons for there being a need to follow such an elaborate path need to be explained. This manifests in the concept of karma, which is the driving force behind samsāra, or the cycle of reincarnation. Though the proposed mechanics differ between variations of faith, it is generally agreed that actions result in a person accumulating positive or negative karma, influencing the progression of their rebirths. In seeking their desires, life perpetuates the cycle of samsāra; it is only through Buddhism, the renunciation of desire, and the cessation of suffering that one may achieve Nirvana, or enlightenment. Nirvana is the ultimate goal of Buddhism, as it is the escape from samsāra and the quieting of the soul. Between sects there are slight differences in wording, with the inclusion of bohdi, a word with nearly the same meaning. Nirvana, however, does not translate directly to enlightenment; a misconception is that it is a kind of ascension. Instead, it means extinction, implying the ending of samsāra and the cycle of birth and rebirth. In this, Siddhartha gave no answer whether nirvana meant the ending of a person’s soul. In Buddhism there does not exist a concept of an eternal soul, only the karma following a chain of rebirth. It could be argued that the goal of Buddhism, with its dissolution of self, is a nihilist dream.

It is precisely this dream, this goal of nonexistence, that most attracts followers defecting from the Abrahamic faiths. Raised in a shaming culture that constantly reminds them of their inadequacy and impending fate in hellfire and brimstone if they fail to live up to a poorly defined standard or make the mistake of being born gay, there is little question as to why Buddhism and the other various Vedic and Eastern faiths are getting converts. Any mentally sound person, threatened with a horrible fate, would rationally consider other options.

Inaugural blog post

In which we discuss why I am starting this blog.
I need to write more. I need to be more proactive about actually writing, rather than simply saying it's something I'm good at and never working at it. I'm probably going to get lazy at some points, and others I won't fucking shut up. Ideally this will get me some fans, so that I have a base to tell about my book. Because, you know, I'm making one. Like every other twenty-something with a laptop who thinks they're the next J.K. Rowling.

Anywho. This was the prerequisite "let's get this shit out of the way" post. I'll post something a little more meaningful in a sec.